Relapse
by Freakygreeneyes
Summary: JAM! Roy's been doing pretty good since his DUI. But what happens when he relapses and decides to confront Pam on what really happened before June 10th?
1. Chapter 1

-1Pam sat at her desk, copying a fax for Michael. She usually made multiple copies of things for him like faxes, because he had a horrible habit of losing _everything_. She couldn't count the number of times he'd made her stay late to help him look for his car keys, his cell phone or one of his stupid little magic gadgets. He was hopeless.

It seemed like the days at Dunder-Mifflin had slowly become longer and longer. It used to be that she'd wake up even a little bit excited for work, and some days it seemed like the time had flown by. But that was before everything changed, and now she didn't really have anyone to talk to or waste time with. Namely, Jim. Sure, he said hello and goodbye every day, and in passing he would make a cautious joke, but it wasn't enough. She was used to so much more.

Pam stared at the back of his head while he typed slowly and surely on his computer (65 words per minute if she remember right, and she knew she did). She'd always loved how his hair flipped out (just at the ends) in it's own quirky way. And from this view she could silently admire his broad shoulders and that spot at the nape of his neck that she wanted to kiss so badly. But it bothered her horribly that she couldn't see his face anymore. She hated that she missed out on any of his everyday expressions, whether he was staring at his computer blankly, looking into the distance with a mischievous glint in his eyes, or even just making faces at the camera.

She missed so much about him that simply didn't belong to her anymore. She kept having to remind herself that those things had never belonged to her. And now they belonged to someone else. And to make matters worse, she couldn't even hate Karen. She had this great sarcastic wit, and she was really nice. Pam could tell why he liked her. So Pam had made nice, and some days it felt like she was closer to Karen than to him. That _really_ stung.

Pam was pulled out of her thoughts as someone barged through the office door. She didn't look up immediately, but when she did she was shocked to see Roy, weaving unsteadily with a beer can in his hand. He had been sober since his DUI, and he'd been going to AA meetings weekly per orders of the judge. Pam had thought he was doing really well.

"Pammy…" Roy slurred, falling back into his old endearment for Pam "I gotta talk to you babe…" He all but fell forward, supporting himself on the desk. He was speaking so loud, too loud, as if he had headphones on and couldn't hear the volume of his own voice. Pam knew without looking that everyone in the office was watching them. Her gut twisted at the thought of Jim casually spinning around in his chair, cool and distant to the drama that was brewing because it was no concern of his.

"Roy, you have to leave. Go call your sponsor, we can talk later." Pam may have ended it with Roy, but she still cared about him, and it scared her to see him like this again. He had told her that in AA, they admitted that there was a high chance of relapse, but she hadn't really believed it.

"No!" Roy was shouting now, his emotions building. "Why'd you do it Pam?! You never told me why! 10 fucking years Pam! And one day you just decide 'That's it'?!" Roy gulped down more of his beer, spilling some of it on his shirt.

Pam was flushed, torn between worried and mortified. She stood, trying to placate Roy. "Roy, what are you doing? You're drunk at work. Come on, let's talk about this outside." She really didn't want to be alone with Roy while he was like this, because sometimes he got nasty when he was drunk. But at this point she didn't care, she just wanted to get away from the pressure of so many eyes watching them. And she could swear that she could physically feel Jim's gaze in particular, trying to pin her down and make her look at him. But she just couldn't. She felt the shame through her whole body, down to the tips of her toes.

Roy flinched, snatching away his hand when she lightly touched his wrist. "No dammit, we'll talk where I fucking want to talk. You never gave me a goddamn reason, you _owe_ me. Was there someone else?!"

Pam would have done anything to just melt into the floor at that moment, just disappear. Roy could be incredibly oblivious to some things, but he had been with Pam for 10 years and he knew her pretty well. And when he asked that question, and when her eyes wouldn't meet his gaze, he knew the answer. He clenched his jaw and balled his hands into fists. "There was wasn't there?! Were you fucking someone behind my back Pam?!"

Pam could feel her eyes welling up with tears and she shook her head. "No Roy, I didn't cheat on you, I just- can we please talk about this someplace else Roy?" Finally, she couldn't help herself. She looked at Jim. And the expression on his face caused her tears to spill onto her cheeks. Maybe she was imagining that look on his face, just because she wanted it so badly; a look of worry and concern, a hint of anger and protectiveness, and something even more. When she met his eyes, she felt a shiver run down her spine.

She quickly tore her eyes from his, looking back at Roy, but it was enough. He had seen. Something in Roy's chest rumbled, and Pam's heart beat faster in fear. Both Michael and Dwight were on a sales call, and Toby was too timid to handle this. Everyone else had frozen, not wanted to attract attention to themselves.

"Halpert…I fucking _knew_ it!" Roy growled. "I knew for a while that he wanted to fuck you Pam, but I never thought you would fall for it. 'Just friends', that's bullshit!" Pam couldn't help but agree to that. They had never been 'just friends'. "You called off the wedding for him, didn't you?" Roy accused, and Pam couldn't even speak. She couldn't believe this was really happening. Roy bursting into the office completely smashed, and revealing everything that had remained so neatly covered up for nearly 4 years. Pam's heart almost stopped when Roy turned on Jim.

"Halpert, I trusted you man." Roy's voice was low and dangerous.

Jim got up from his seat so quickly that it was knocked backwards, clattering against the floor. The noise was harsh against the dead silence of the office. "Whoa, whoa, dude, it's not what you think." Jim spoke for the first time. It was almost hard to get the words out, the air was so thick with tension. "Pam and I never- I swear dude, we were just friends, that's it."

This time, no one in the office believed it. Especially not Karen, who watched with her mouth slightly open in shock. Jim's denial just pissed Roy off further. "Bullshit!" He yelled "You fucking pulled something and made her cancel the wedding didn't you?! Did she cancel the wedding for you?"

No one except Pam really knew the answer to that question. "I have no idea man, I swear, she never cheated on you with me. We were just-" Jim couldn't even finish the lie before Roy threw himself at Jim.

Everything happened at once. As Roy lunged for Jim, Pam couldn't help but let out a small scream that turned into a gasp. It was as if some spell had been broken. Phyllis snatched up her phone and called for security. Most people stood up or shrank away from the fight, unsure of what to do.

Roy was drunk enough that he wasn't much in fighting shape, but he was heavier and more muscular than Jim. Roy's first punch swung wild, but his second one managed to clip Jim's cheekbone, splitting it neatly. Everyone was surprised when Jim punched back, ducking below Roy's wild punches and hitting him hard in the stomach. Roy (who had wrestled in high school), was just wrapping his arm around Jim's neck in a headlock when Ryan and Kevin took a hold of each of his arms. They hauled him backward simultaneously, managing to break his grip.

As soon as Ryan and Kevin pulled Roy away from Jim, Roy just went limp, and to everyone's embarrassment, he began to cry. Jim touched his fingers gently to his cheekbone, and winced. It was bleeding pretty badly, and the blood was just so shockingly _red_. Finally, security arrived, and just as quickly as it had started, it seemed like it was over. But when Jim looked into Pam's eyes, then Karen's, he knew it had barely begun.

AN: Hmm, I'm thinking about continuing it more from Jim's point of view. What do you think?!


	2. Chapter 2

-1Jim stood in the men's bathroom, lightly dabbing a piece of toilet paper to his split cheekbone. He flinched at the slightest pressure, that side of his face still throbbing. Somewhere in the back of his head, he knew he should go to the hospital. He needed stitches. But in order to get out of the office, he had to leave the sanctuary of the bathroom. He threw the toilet paper in the trash, not really registering that it was covered in blood.

He had always hated how in movies, when someone got punched in the face, they always came right back up. Like one of those creepy clown punching bags. The person would always just bounce right back up, still right as rain. No broken nose, no lost teeth. The worst they might get was an attractive black eye that would quickly fade later in the movie.

Jim heard the bathroom door open, but he didn't turn. He looked at the mirror's reflection to see Kevin walk in and close the door carefully. He walked up to stand next to Jim, who was still simply staring in the mirror.

"I told you," Kevin said slowly "If you ever need it, I got your back."

It hurt, but Jim couldn't help but laugh and Kevin cracked one of his secretive, self-satisfied smiles. Jim remembered after his crush on Pam had gotten around the office, how Kevin had told him that if Roy ever tried anything, Kevin would have his back. He had never taken that seriously. "Yeah, that's for that man. That was pretty badass."

"It was, wasn't it?!" Kevin said excitedly. Whenever Kevin was excited, his voice stayed exactly the same tone, but his words came faster and took on a slight rhythm. His eyes would light up, and the corners of his mouth would curl upward as if being pulled by a string.

Jim sighed, looking at his reflection. There was no avoiding it, he needed to get stitches. He already knew this would scar. "Hey, Kev, I need a favor. Do you think you could give me a ride to the hospital?"

"Yeah, sure. But why can't you drive yourself?" Kevin asked.

"I don't have my car, someone gave me a ride this morning."

"Oh, okay." Kevin nodded, surprisingly understanding. He didn't push it beyond that. He remembered before he had started dating Stacy. She had been his neighbor, and he had thought that she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, better than any girl in a magazine or a movie. He hadn't dared to talk to her; what could she ever see in him? He was middle-aged, balding, overweight, boring…the list went on forever. He had pined over her secretly for months. But then one day her car wouldn't start and she had knocked on his door, asking him if he could jump her car. It was raining, and her hair was plastered to her head and her makeup was running. She was still beautiful. He ran outside to help her, fully aware that he would be late for work. And then in one, magical moment, he had made her laugh. He hadn't been trying to, but he made her laugh.

So yeah, Kevin knew how Jim was feeling.

XXxXxXxXx

Pam sat in a stall of the women's room, crying. She felt like she was crying all the time lately. She looked down at her feet, her toes pointed inward. Sometimes she wished she could wear sexier high heels, like Karen did. But something kept her from it, and every morning she still put on her boring, brown flats. Apparently, fancy new Beesley could break off a ten year relationship and completely restructure her life, but she was still afraid of high heels.

Pam was just starting to compose herself, when someone knocked on the stall door and pushed in inward. She expected Phyllis or something, but when she looked up and saw Karen, her stomach dropped. "Hey." Karen said in a soft voice, closing the door behind her and leaning against it. When Pam saw how Karen's eyes were ringed in red like her own, the guilt felt like it was choking her and she started crying again.

"I-I'm sorry…" Pam sniffled, pulling more toilet paper from the dispenser. "I…" her voice trailed off, unsure of what to say.

"What're you sorry for?" Karen said dryly, although her voice was still rough from tears. "I'm sorry for telling you that you should get together with Roy."

Pam choked, caught between laughing and crying. "I'm sorry for…everything." Pam said, feeling helpless. She didn't even know quite what she was sorry for. For befriending Karen and not being upfront about her feelings for Jim? Karen had moved from Connecticut to be with Jim; Pam didn't want to do anything to ruin that. She was pretty sure that her feelings for Jim were now unreturned.

"The thing is," Karen sighed "I don't think any of us have done anything wrong. We're caught in this…situation, but none of us did anything to deserve it." Karen felt her lower lip begin to tremble, and she bit it tightly to make it stop, to control herself. "Just…just do something for me?"

Pam nodded. "Of course."

"Tell me everything." Karen couldn't stop a tear from rolling down her cheek. "The whole truth, even if it hurts. Everything."

Pam looked up at Karen, who stood there twisting her hands. Even with her plum-colored lipstick and her silky straight hair, and her neatly pressed slacks and her fancy high-heels, she was still just a girl. Just a girl, who liked a boy. Pam handed her some toilet paper to wipe her cheeks dry. "Okay." she said softly. "Everything."


End file.
